Scared Shitless

So recently, as you might know, my mom was put in jail for charges of; operating a meth lab, conspiracy, and two charges of child neglect and possible endangerment. Then she was bailed out until her court date on June 4th, 2013, coming up really soon. She went to her pretrial on May 20, 2013 and didn’t plead guilty and the court is actually considering dropping her charges. If her charges are dropped she still legally has full custody over me and my younger brother. (I’m 15 and he is 10) So again, if her charges are dropped she has the option to take my brother and I back into her house with her rules and under her care. However, when we last lived with her,  she wasn’t very caring, didn’t care what I really did, was always running around, and she took us to these extremely strange places. I have tried keeping in contact with her as much as the court will allow because I do love my mother most days; however, my brother hates her. He says that she put his life at risk and that she never cared about any of us. I agree with him 100 percent.. I really don’t want to have the life I had before. My stepmom treats us so much better than she did.. I hope nothing goes wrong..

Bipolar?

I am officially done with everything. My dad thinks that I should be more social, but I don’t want to talk to anybody. At all. I can’t explain my feelings through my voice, most of the time not through writing either. When you talk people hear your information. When people hear your information they get nosy and start stuff. When stuff is started everyone knows about it. When everyone knows about it then it sucks because rumors spread. When rumors spread you get depressed. When you get depressed after you are already permanently depressed shit happens that isn’t pretty. I’m being sent to Florida (not complaining) for spring break because my dad thinks it will be good to get away from everything. Yeah right. I can’t just get away it goes where I go, it always follows. My stress never leaves, EVER. Then he said if that doesn’t work I need to talk to a professional because my behavior isn’t normal. Then I think; “Who the fuck are you to tell me MY behavior isn’t normal? I have a right to change whenever the fuck I want to and you can deal with it. Shit has happened to me the last couple months that normal teenagers don’t fucking go through and I never thought would happen in my life. So, please, just fuck off.”

Do you even care?

I feel like I don’t matter to you ever since my brother has moved in. It’s always about him. Him this, him that, don’t forget to feed him. When is it going to be anything about me? Hmm.. You said when things settle down and stuff, but the whole thing is this is never going to blow over.  I guess it’s just a nice way of saying I don’t have time for you. I just wish somebody would have time for me. It seems like the only person that does is my stepmom and she isn’t even blood related to me. What the fuck is wrong with me? 

Pissed off!

What the fuck? Why the hell does my dad take up for every single fucking thing that Tristan does?! It’s never Tristan’s fucking fault. It’s always “What’s your issue Madison?”

My fucking “issue” is that all you care about is Tristan and don’t even bother thinking of me anymore! So fucking fuck off and get out of my life if you are going to be like that! I will go fucking live on my own asshole!

Haven’t Been Posting..

I can’t think of anything to write at all. You would think all the stress I’ve been going through lately would give me so much to write about, but I think it’s just making me have writer’s block. I’ll try to start posting more so that all of my 0 followers can be updated on everything, and be entertained with my personal life for a little bit.